How to Avoid Family Conflict and Enjoy the College Process
How to Avoid Family Conflict and Enjoy the College Process
Applying to college can be a uniquely stressful time, not just for individuals, but for the entire family. Like most valuable challenges in life, a small dose of healthy pressure can help you succeed in the process. Too much stress, on the other hand, can interfere with your well-being or create tension among those you love.There’s no magic solution that makes applying to colleges 100% stress-free, but there are a few things you can do to manage your expectations during this anxiety-driven process and avoid conflict.Read below for suggestions for reducing negative stress and preventing family conflict over college applications. A few of these tips may even help the process become more fun and bring you and your support team closer together.
Set Your Expectations Early
Knowing in advance what the application process involves is a good way to strategize. Think about what you hope to gain from the college experience and research schools that meet your criteria.Do you want to attend a small school where you know lots of other students, or are you drawn to large university settings? Do you have ideas about what you might like to major in? Don’t just consider big name schools or exciting campus locations. Think realistically about what you expect from day-to-day life in college and make a map of your options from there.Find out, ahead of time, what the schools you like actually require for admissions. Many schools use the Common Application, so get a feel for what kinds of information or supplemental essays are needed before you begin applying. Giving yourself plenty of time to complete the specific requirements of different schools will help keep the process more manageable and lower your stress level.Staying organized is key. Make lists or spreadsheets of qualities you look for in a school, lists of schools that fit your needs, different requirements for applications, and the many deadlines.Applying to colleges is not something that’s done in a vacuum. It takes a village. The better job you do of keeping yourself organized, the less stress you will put on your loved ones to keep track of information for you or remind you about upcoming deadlines.
Limit College Talk to Specific Times
The cousin of staying organized is time management. Some students believe that the more time and energy they devote to applications, the greater their chances of admissions. This is not necessarily the case.You don’t have limitless time and energy, yet you want to pour as much into your applications as possible to produce strong work. So how do you know when you’ve gone too far? Some signs that you might be overdoing it include:
- sleep deprivation
- poor nutrition or changes in appetite
- cutting out too much recreation time
- declining grades and difficulty focusing in class
- strain on relationships with friends and family
When you’re running on a low battery, it’s hard to do your best on things like standardized tests and personal essays, and to meet deadlines. It can also strain your connections to people around you, and this is a time to keep your relationships strong so that you can lean on others for wisdom and reassurance.If you find that discussing college at the dinner table tends to result in an argument, or if you notice that critical rest time is being disrupted due to family squabbles about deadlines, then plan out a schedule for when, and where, to make decisions about your college applications with your support team.For parents, this means respecting your child’s privacy and process. As excited as you are to discuss every development in the moment, realize that this may do more harm than good at certain times. For students, this means communicating openly with your parents. Keep them in the loop so they don’t feel like they have to pry.Prioritize your basic needs, and don’t sacrifice your physical and mental well-being. If you take care of your mind and body, then you will perform better when you actually do sit down to tackle your applications. This will also help reduce unnecessary stress on your loved ones, and better enable them to continue helping you.
See Past the Family Conflict to Your Support Team’s Intentions
There are lot of voices in the college application process. You have your own hopes and worries to pay attention to, plus the opinions of your family, teachers, and friends. There are things you want to say on your applications and, additionally, there are all the things you believe colleges expect to hear.That’s a lot of input to take in, and it’s easy to feel daunted by the racket. It’s normal to feel some amount of tension when your parents, guidance counselor, peers, and siblings are all giving you (often contradictory) advice at the same time.Here’s a tip to avoid that tension turning into conflict: if someone is taking the time to advise you through the college application process, then that means they care. Focus on their intentions.You don’t have to listen to everybody, and you don’t have to attach the same weight to each piece of advice. A good way to minimize conflict is remembering the love underlying people’s actions. Your parents are opinionated about your future because they are invested in it. Your teachers may be pressuring you because they have faith that you are capable of excellence, and they want you to recognize your potential as clearly as they do.If you’re obsessing over what you “should” say in your applications, then that’s because you care about your education and value the opportunity to go to a good college. These are all positives in this process, as long as you let them energize you instead of fill you with anxiety.You can use all of these things for motivation, to gain new insights about the academic environment in which you may thrive, and ideas for what to write about in your personal essay.Focusing on intentions may not make the competing voices any quieter, but it can help prevent conflict by reminding you how many people are on your side.
Keep Your Eyes on the Prize
Don’t lose sight of what you really want to gain from all of this: a list of strong options tailored to your personal goals and needs. That’s what you’re investing in when you devote so much time and energy to applying to college. Your family wants you to succeed as much as you do. While conflicts may arise, remember to look past the tension and see that people are rooting for you. Their support could become your greatest motivator as you navigate the college application process.The expert admissions consultants at Wise World Prep have helped hundreds of students maximize their potential of being admitted to their top choice colleges and universities. Over 20 years, we have successfully guided students through each stage of the application process – from choosing competitive high school courses to building an appropriate college list to drafting winning essays to writing persuasive update and appeals letters. We would be happy to answer your questions and partner with you to create a successful admissions roadmap.Ready to get started? Schedule a complimentary 20-minute conversation today!Want to stay informed? Subscribe to our newsletter.See what others are saying about us